MOTHERHOOD by Sheila Heti: READING GROUP GUIDE 1) This book is written more like a one-sided monologue or personal essay than a classic novel. How did the structure shape your reading experience? 2) Why do you think the author chose to have an unnamed narrator? Why do you think there is so little description of time and setting in the book?3) “It is often said that whether or not to have children is the biggest decision a person can make.” (page 29) Do you think society in general considers motherhood a compulsory rite of passage to womanhood? To be a mother or not to be a mother: how have you grappled with this decision in your own life?4) “A woman must have children because she must be occupied.” (page 33) What is society’s idea of an “occupied” woman? Is there a lack of societal understanding for women who choose not to have children? How, and why? 5) On page 41 Heti writes, “If no one had told me anything about the world, I would have invented boyfriends. I would have invented sex, friendships, art. I would not have invented child rearing. I would have had to invent all those things to fulfil the longing in me, but if no one ever told me that a person could create a person, and raise them into a citizen, it wouldn’t have occurred to me as something to do.” What would you have invented if no one had told you anything about the world? 6) The narrator ponders the idea of art being a substitute for a child, that artists are “mothers” of their work. Must one have a child to experience motherhood? And must one ultimately choose between motherhood and creativity, procreation and art, nurturing and ambition?7) The narrator is very aware of others’ perceptions and judgements of childless women. Do you think this awareness clouds her perception of mothers? If the narrator was someone you knew in real life, how would you react to her philosophies and ideals?8) What do you think is the purpose of the narrator’s I Ching coin-tosses?9) What does the narrator mean by the phrase ‘the soul of time’? How does the concept shape her thought process? 10) The narrator is the grandchild of a holocaust survivor and is acutely aware of the fragility of existence. Do you think this affects the gravitas with which she considers her future, and the meaning of her existence? If so, how?11) “My mother could never please her mother: she was never smart enough for her mother, could never get good enough grades. She worked fifty times harder than anyone else. She let her mother’s dreams become her own. She lived to please her mother, even once she was a mother, and even once her own mother had died. She lived her life turned towards her mother, not towards me.” (page 197) The narrator didn’t have a conventional experience with mothering. How did it influence her life decisions? How did your relationship with your mother influence yours?12) “Waking up, I said to Miles, It might be nice to have a child. He said, I’m sure it’s also nice to get a lobotomy.” (page 122) What role does Miles play in the narrator’s decision-making process? 13) “There are so many kinds of life to give birth to in this world, apart from human life.” (page 168) In your experience, is there a socially acceptable space where women can contemplate the idea of motherhood? 14) What do you think of the ending? Do you agree with the narrator’s decision?15) What was your biggest takeaway from this book? How was your takeaway different from others in your group? How did you examine your own life after reading Motherhood?
MOTHERHOOD by Sheila Heti: READING GROUP GUIDE 1) This book is written more like a one-sided monologue or personal essay than a classic novel. How did the structure shape your reading experience? 2) Why do you think the author chose to have an unnamed narrator? Why do you think there is so little description of time and setting in the book?3) “It is often said that whether or not to have children is the biggest decision a person can make.” (page 29) Do you think society in general considers motherhood a compulsory rite of passage to womanhood? To be a mother or not to be a mother: how have you grappled with this decision in your own life?4) “A woman must have children because she must be occupied.” (page 33) What is society’s idea of an “occupied” woman? Is there a lack of societal understanding for women who choose not to have children? How, and why? 5) On page 41 Heti writes, “If no one had told me anything about the world, I would have invented boyfriends. I would have invented sex, friendships, art. I would not have invented child rearing. I would have had to invent all those things to fulfil the longing in me, but if no one ever told me that a person could create a person, and raise them into a citizen, it wouldn’t have occurred to me as something to do.” What would you have invented if no one had told you anything about the world? 6) The narrator ponders the idea of art being a substitute for a child, that artists are “mothers” of their work. Must one have a child to experience motherhood? And must one ultimately choose between motherhood and creativity, procreation and art, nurturing and ambition?7) The narrator is very aware of others’ perceptions and judgements of childless women. Do you think this awareness clouds her perception of mothers? If the narrator was someone you knew in real life, how would you react to her philosophies and ideals?8) What do you think is the purpose of the narrator’s I Ching coin-tosses?9) What does the narrator mean by the phrase ‘the soul of time’? How does the concept shape her thought process? 10) The narrator is the grandchild of a holocaust survivor and is acutely aware of the fragility of existence. Do you think this affects the gravitas with which she considers her future, and the meaning of her existence? If so, how?11) “My mother could never please her mother: she was never smart enough for her mother, could never get good enough grades. She worked fifty times harder than anyone else. She let her mother’s dreams become her own. She lived to please her mother, even once she was a mother, and even once her own mother had died. She lived her life turned towards her mother, not towards me.” (page 197) The narrator didn’t have a conventional experience with mothering. How did it influence her life decisions? How did your relationship with your mother influence yours?12) “Waking up, I said to Miles, It might be nice to have a child. He said, I’m sure it’s also nice to get a lobotomy.” (page 122) What role does Miles play in the narrator’s decision-making process? 13) “There are so many kinds of life to give birth to in this world, apart from human life.” (page 168) In your experience, is there a socially acceptable space where women can contemplate the idea of motherhood? 14) What do you think of the ending? Do you agree with the narrator’s decision?15) What was your biggest takeaway from this book? How was your takeaway different from others in your group? How did you examine your own life after reading Motherhood?